Jealousy
by bluegirl-783
Summary: Mia and Nicholas's moment in the maze and fountain, involving flirtation and a hint of jealousy, inspires Joseph and Clarisse to recall their own bouts of jealousy in regards to each other….
1. Chapter 1

_Mia and Nicholas's moment in the maze and fountain, involving flirtation and a hint of jealousy, inspires Joseph and Clarisse to recall their own bouts of jealousy in regards to each other…._

CHAPTER ONE

Clarisse, Queen of Genovia, sighed as she sat back down on her chaise lounge, the unused tea tray set for two sitting on the coffee table in front of her. _What had just gone wrong?_

Her granddaughter, weeks away from becoming a wife and Queen, had just stormed out of the room, offended that her grandmother had seemed to believe that the 'incident' that afternoon at the garden party, when she and Nicholas (although Clarisse hadn't seen Nicholas herself) had emerged from the maze, wet and bedraggled, had been deliberate.

" _Do I_ _ **want**_ _to know?"_ Clarisse had asked at the time, struggling to hold her tongue and not roll her eyes- and it didn't help that while she had seemed remorseful, Clarisse had the feeling that Mia was more embarrassed than ashamed.

" _I don't think so,"_ was all Mia could say in response before scurrying into the palace, wrapping a towel around her shoulders.

It was only this evening when Clarisse had had the opportunity to discuss the situation with Mia, and it had disintegrated into an argument that had culminated in Mia storming out of the room, leaving her exasperated grandmother to wonder what had just occurred.

 _Was it deliberate or an accident?_

The thought occurred to both women at the same time, but in different contexts- Clarisse was wondering whether Mia was deliberately trying to sabotage herself (surely not), effectively handing the throne to Nicholas and, by extension, Viscount Mabrey; while Mia was wondering whether Nicholas was THAT desperate to become King and have power to attempt to try to discredit her, again, and her claim to the throne.

What made it worse, for Mia (and she was grateful that her grandmother hadn't actually witnessed the incident, although afterwards… they had come face to face, Andrew discreetly hanging back) was that, prior to that, she and Nicholas… Lord Devereaux, she reminded her sternly… had competed in a game of one upmanship, comparing Lady Alyssa and Andrew's achievements…

 _Why, oh why, had she participated in either moment? She was supposed to be the next Queen, and yet she had behaved like a teenager who was flirting…._

 _Wait a minute…._

 _HAD she been flirting with him? HAD she been flirting with him?_

No, what was worse than the upmanship game was the fact that… she HAD been flirting with him, Mia realised with a painful twinge, and he had been flirting with her… and that they had both ENJOYED IT!

And then… she paused for a moment outside her closed suite doors… she suddenly remembered how she had felt when she had seen Lord Devereaux and Lady Alyssa arrive at the garden party together… _had she actually been jealous?_

 _No, no, no! I couldn't have been jealous… I was feeling sorry for Lady Alyssa, being HIS date…_

 _Oh really?_ Her subconscious sounded smug. _You didn't feel sorry for Lady Alyssa, you were feeling jealous that he had actually brought a date to the garden party… surely you wouldn't have expected him to come_ _ **alone**_ _?_

"Great, just great," she muttered to herself as she let herself into her suite and flopped down on the sofa opposite Lily, who was reading a book. "Like I need any more problems."

"What did your grandmother want?" Lily put down her book and looked at Mia. "Was it about this afternoon?"

"No, it was not," Mia said sarcastically before rolling her eyes. "Of course it was, Lily- she wasn't pleased with me, as usual.""

"I can understand her side… although I'm completely on your side," Lily added hastily as Mia scowled at her. "I don't know why you let Nicholas get to you so much."

"I don't know either, although he is just so…infuriating," Mia hissed. "But when he got started on Lady Alyssa's academic achievements, I just… got…."

"Competitive? Stubborn? Wanting a fight?

"All of the above, I guess," Mia admitted, looking away from Lily and gazing out the windows.

"But…." Lily continued.

"But what?"

"There's something you're not telling me…."

"No, there's not," Mia was still avoiding her best friend's eyes which, she knew, wasn't something she should be doing- once Lily's interest was piqued, it was very, very difficult to distract her.

"Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi…."

"Alright, alright," Mia said exasperatedly, throwing up her hands and looking back at Lily. "I think, before we fell into the fountain, I was flirting with me and Nicholas… Lord Devereaux… was flirting back."

"So? You're not married yet."

"But…."

"But what?"

"The worst part, besides the fact that I actually enjoyed it…."

"He's a good looking guy, although not my type," Lily shrugged her shoulders.

"Lil, that's not it… it was when I saw him joining the party with Lady Alyssa, I felt something…"

"Pity for Lady Alyssa?"

"No, not that… it was… I felt jealous…"

"Jealous?" Lily suddenly looked serious. "Why would you be feeling jealous? Of Lady Alyssa?"

"I don't know," Mia stared down at her hands.

"Mia," Lily leaned forward in her chair and looked at her seriously. "This is not good, not good at all."

"I know that… I'm just glad that Grandma didn't see what happened… it was bad enough when she saw that I was wet."

"Well, it kind of would be a surprise to see you wet… but Mia, you're seriously going to have to stay away from Nicholas if you want this wedding to happen. You know I don't approve of this arranged marriage thing," she made a face. "But if you want to become Queen instead of the Mabreys, then you're just going to have to stay away from him, hard as this may be, since he's staying at the palace… but I'll run interference for you, you know that. "

"I know that- all of it and I DO want to become Queen… I just never realised how difficult it would be and how many hoops I would have to jump through," Mia looked downcast and Lily realised that she was feeling the pressure and she didn't need her best friend to add any more pressure to her.

"I just wish I could have seen Nicholas after you left him in the fountain," Lily said with a grin and Mia couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes, it was quite funny… I pushed him back into it again and then tried to storm off, but it didn't help that my dress was sticking to my legs," she giggled. "Now I know why petticoats aren't trendy anymore," before she glanced at her watch and sighed. "It is getting late, I suppose I had better go to bed and hope that nothing goes wrong tomorrow," as Mia stood up and stretched.

"Nothing will, I can feel it," Lily said wisely as she too stood up and stretched. "Hopefully Lord Devereaux won't be at the parade."

"That's the least of my worries… I'm just hoping that Grandma will have calmed down tomorrow… I hate being in her bad books."

000

Meanwhile, back in the Queen's suite, Clarisse was pacing the suite, still annoyed at her granddaughter but also annoyed at herself for losing her temper with Mia- she was young, she was still learning and….

 _But falling into a fountain with a man who was not her fiancé, who wanted the throne, had a dubious, power mad uncle... WHAT was she thinking?!_

The thought of Viscount Mabrey having manipulated that situation just angered her further and she knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep very much tonight… and then there was a gentle tap on the door.

"Come in," she called, wondering whether it would be Mia, returning to apologize, but instead it was Joseph. "Joseph? Is there anything the matter?"

"I saw the Princess storming back to her suite on the cameras and I thought…."

"You were wondering how it went between my granddaughter and myself," Clarisse said coolly and he looked slightly taken aback.

"Well, yes…"

"Well, to answer your question, it didn't go very well," she signalled that he was able to step into her suite, which he did, closing the door behind him and then joining her on the sofa. "She didn't seem very remorseful at all… in fact, she seemed offended that I was blaming her for the incident."

"Were you?" he asked quietly and she looked surprised.

"Why would I blame her for what happened?"

"Because she was discovered with Nicholas, emerging from a fountain, dripping wet, their respective dates nowhere near them?"

"Well…."

"And that she and Nicholas were overheard having a heated argument, comparing their date's academic records…I don't think you're blaming her as such, I think you're blaming yourself."

"Excuse me?" Clarisse was starting to look indignant.

"I think you are torn between wanting to be a protective grandmother and the Queen of Genovia, who cannot condone misbehaviour that may embarrass the Crown and the country…"

"Joseph, you're starting to make me sound like a monster!"

"You're not a monster, and yes, you have every right to be disappointed in Mia and what happened this afternoon…"

"But…"

"There's something else bothering you."

"Aside from the fact that Mia is somehow managing to continue to sabotage herself in embarrassingly public ways, and usually involving Lord Devereaux?"

"Aside from that."

"Joseph… I think that she was flirting with him prior to them falling into the fountain- and that he was flirting with her… Joseph- I think that they are attracted to each other."

"Which is something quite natural, they are both very attractive young people."

"That's not helping, Joseph."

"Well, it's true. They're young, attractive, intelligent…."

"And Mia has already made a commitment to Andrew Jacoby, to become his wife…"

"An arranged marriage orchestrated by parliament," Joseph said bluntly and Clarisse stopped to stare at him. Joseph had made his position clear in regards to the marriage- he was against it, stating it as 'barbaric' and 'old fashioned'- but he had never made his bitterness towards the instigators quite as clear. "I'm sorry, my dear, I shouldn't have said that."

"I wanted your opinion and I appreciate it- and you know how I feel about the situation, but there is nothing we can do."

"I know you are stressed, but you don't need to make Mia feel any worse about herself than she already does," he said quietly and Clarisse nodded and sighed heavily.

There was a silence between them for a while- a silence that was not uncomfortable, given all the time they had spent together over the years- and then Joseph began to chuckle.

"What? What's so funny?"

"I was just thinking… it WAS funny, seeing them both soaking wet… even you have to admit it."

"Yes," she finally admitted with a small smile. "It was amusing…but WHY did it happen, Joseph? Andrew is quite a nice young man…"

"Jealousy," Joseph said simply and Clarisse looked at him again.

"Jealousy? Who was jealous of whom?"

"They were both jealous…apparently, there was a little altercation between the two of them before they disappeared… haven't you seen the way Mia looks at Nicholas? Nicholas is more circumspect, but he's jealous as well…"

"Jealous, nonsense!"

"Haven't you ever been jealous, Clarisse?" he asked quietly. "Haven't you felt that it's unfair that someone has something that you want but you're not allowed to go after it, knowing that if you do, there will be trouble?"

Clarisse looked at him, slightly alarmed but his expression was calm and steady and he was giving her a small smile. "Have you?"

"Well, I…." she hesitated, still holding his gaze. "Yes I have. Have you?"

"Many, many times," he said immediately. "When did it happen for you?"

"I'll tell you my experience, if you tell me yours."

"It's a deal."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: It has been quite, quite a while- I'm so sorry- but I'm hoping that I will be more regular with my updates, hopefully!_

 _The Princess Diaries doesn't belong to me_

"It's not as if I'm the jealous type," Clarisse began cautiously, considering her words as she spoke them- it wasn't as if she had to consider what she was saying to Joseph, she trusted him completely and whole heartedly, but there were moments and memories that she didn't want to revisit, not even with Joseph.

"I never have been, not even when I was a little girl or a teenager- I knew that I was betrothed to the Crown Prince when I was fourteen and there was no point looking at another boy or even envying their boyfriends. I envied their ease with them, their jealousy when they thought they were cheating on them, their arguments… I wondered if I would ever get to experience that with Rupert, but when we were married, I was eighteen and he was twenty nine, a grown man who had already had life experiences that hadn't included me."

"Did your friends ever envy your betrothal to Rupert?"

"Well, yes they did and it didn't make my life any easier, and I was half relieved, half sad when I went to finishing school and lost touch with most of them. Some of them, however, married members of parliament or their sons, so a few of them are still in my life… but I can't say that we ever went back to being true friends again."

"That sounds awful."

"It is, but that was what happened," Clarisse said matter of factly. "Anyway, jealousy, while being married to Rupert, was a useless emotion, considering the number of indiscretions I had brought to my attention," she paused for a moment, recalling the crushing humiliation she felt when she read the papers or, even worse, so called 'friends' bringing the news to her.

Joseph reached over and took her hand, squeezing it sympathetically- he had always been aware of the constant humiliation the King subjected his Queen (in fact, it appalled him so much that, in the beginning, he had been warned quite a few times, 'not to interfere- you are a bodyguard, nothing else') but it still hurt him to see her bravely keep her composure and pretend nothing had happened. His sympathy towards her situation grew over the years as he got to know his boss better and developed deep feelings for her- and it took more and more restraint to not actually confront the King.

"Yet," Clarisse continued. "As a wife, I did feel a sense of failure that I couldn't seem to keep my own husband… interested," she stopped abruptly, blushing deeply before taking a deep breath in to continue. "I very much hoped that our sons never discovered the truth about their father… but they probably did, they were smart children."

Joseph stayed silent, not wishing to confirm her suspicions (although he suspected they were more than suspicions, rather knowledge) but knowing that the young princes had been well aware of their father's indiscretions, ever since their teens in fact, and the result had been that while they were still polite to their father, they banded together to become very protective of their mother. To them, while the monarchy and the continuing reign of the Renaldi family was of paramount importance, the happiness of their mother was almost, if not just as important.

When Phillipe had discovered that Joseph knew what was going on and was also keeping a keen eye on their situation (how he found out, Joseph would never know, although he had suspicions), he made a personal plea to him NOT to let his mother know that they knew.

" _Please don't let her know that P and I know about Papa… she is always keen for us to think of our father as a good man, an intelligent man and a good King, and I know it would break her heart for her to know that we know Papa is not as wonderful as she makes him out to be."_

" _She wants you to appreciate your father and appreciate all that he does for you and the country."  
_

 _"Yes, he may be a good king, but as a husband…" Phillipe snorted. "I don't know how she puts up with him."  
_

 _"For you, your brother and the country," Joseph said with a touch of admonition in his voice. "She loves you two and she loves her country- she would never allow any disgrace to come to the monarchy and the country,"  
_

 _"Even for the sake of her own happiness?"  
_

 _"Even then," Joseph said simply and Phillipe looked at him for a long moment before nodding._

" _Yes, that was something that she would say… and while I don't necessarily agree with the sentiment, it makes sense… in a way."  
_

 _"Spoken like your father and mother's son," Joseph said approvingly._

"Penny for your thoughts?" came Clarisse's teasing voice and Joseph started, realising that he had drifted off and hadn't been listening to what she had been saying.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking."

"About what? It must have been much more interesting that what I was saying," Clarisse teased and Joseph looked at her apologetically before realising that her eyes were sparkling with mischief.

"Not really… anyway, back to what you were saying….?" He turned the conversation back to her and she looked at him thoughtfully for a long moment before refocusing back on what they were talking about.

"It wasn't much point being jealous of Rupert's indiscretions, whether he was being discreet or not- it would have driven me crazy and it wouldn't have helped the country or our children either."

"Didn't you… care, though?"

"Care? Of course I cared!" Clarisse looked at him in astonishment. "He was making a fool of himself, myself, the Crown and I had to put up with it! I was the one whom everyone either felt sorry for or felt vindicated that the King of Genovia may have married me but he was still his own man, a man who couldn't be contained! It was humiliating, it was devastating and I hated him for it… but still I stayed, because not only did I not have a choice but I CARED- I cared about him, I cared about my children, I cared about my country and the duty I had to the Crown."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up painful memories… I didn't mean to intimate that you didn't care…" Joseph mumbled, withdrawing his hand from hers, feeling ashamed of himself- why on earth had he asked that question of her? Didn't he already know that she cared, she cared far too much for the country, even putting her own happiness behind all her duties and responsibilities…

"It's alright," Clarisse said quietly. "It wasn't your fault, you weren't to know."

"I shouldn't have asked the question. I'm sorry."

"You know, I had thought I had accepted what had happened to Rupert and me and moved on… but somehow… I hadn't. But you have helped me, listened to me and thank you," she reached out for his hand again. ""Maybe, I was a little jealous of those women," she admitted. "But it's not the same jealousy that I have felt about someone else.

"Someone else? Who?"

There was a long pause before she looked calmly and directly at him.

"You."

"Me? Why?"

"Well, not necessarily you but… all those times you were flirting with all those elegant women visiting the palace…."

"Not necessarily flirting- I was being polite, they were the ones flirting with me," Joseph protested, his cheeks turning red.

"… I know that, but I still felt as though…." Clarisse paused, feeling foolish herself, but she knew what she had felt on that night in particular, and she knew that it was _**jealousy. Pure, green eyed jealousy, jealousy**_ that made her realise, that night that she was very much in love with Joseph… and that it was hopeless.

"Let me explain….

000

" _You look beautiful, my dear," Rupert said to Clarisse pleasantly as they met at the top of the stairs, leading down to the foyer of the palace, leading to the ballroom where the guests of the annual Genovian Independence Day all were waiting. "But then again, you always look beautiful."  
_

 _"Thank you, Rupert," Clarisse said almost automatically- she had heard the compliment many a time over the years and while she knew, in some way, that he did mean it, the meaning had somehow been lost and diluted over time. "You look handsome," she added, and she was being truthful- the older he got, the more distinguished his looks grew, so he actually looked like a statesman, the leader of a country. Of course, with this stateliness came more attractive women (seemingly getting younger and younger) but Clarisse had long since accepted it and was almost indifferent to it._

" _Don't forget that the Ambassador of Brazil and of Portugal are our honoured guests tonight, so you will have to dance with them."  
_

 _"Yes, of course."  
_

 _"And don't forget that Lady Jameson is going to ask you to attend a garden party next week…  
_

 _"Of course.  
_

 _"And…." Rupert's voice suddenly faded into the distance as she looked down the stairs and saw Joseph standing there, joking around with one of his colleague and looking incredibly handsome in his tuxedo. He always looked handsome in tuxedos, as well as the black suits, shirts and jackets that he always wore when he was working._

" _Why do you always wear black," she couldn't help but ask him one day, many years earlier, when he was first assigned as her bodyguard, although she knew the reason- she just wanted to ask him, to talk to him a little more._

" _To blend into the crowd, to ensure that you are kept safe at all times… and to ensure that we don't detract attention from the Queen of Genovia," he added with a smile and she couldn't help but laugh at that._

" _Everyone here?" Rupert's voice suddenly broke into her reverie and Clarisse suddenly realised that they were at the bottom of the stairs, walking towards the closed ball room doors and realised that the bodyguards were standing straight to attention, and Joseph's eyes were fixed on her._

" _Yes sir," said Rupert's HOS, who was standing the straightest to attention. "The Prime Minister and his wife have just arrived, as have the Von Trokans."  
_

 _"Excellent, excellent," Rupert said distractedly, before holding out his arm to Clarisse. "Shall we, my dear?"_

 _Clarisse accepted his arm in silence, painfully aware that Joseph was still watching her and almost as painfully aware that she liked his attention._

 _0_

 _The ball was nearing its conclusion and Clarisse was glad- these occasions usually dragged on for longer than usual and, as the years wore on, Clarisse was happier if the balls ended earlier and she could retire. Unfortunately, the balls only ended when the King and Queen left and, most of the time, Rupert preferred to stay until after midnight._

 _Tonight was no different- after dancing with many of the parliamentarians wives (a task he found more pleasurable than Clarisse with their husbands), he was huddled in a corner with a group of his cronies, gradually getting drunk, judging by the increasing loud laughter emerging from the corner._

 _Clarisse, meanwhile, had done what was expected of her, dancing and initiating conversation with the Ambassadors of Brazil and Portugal, as well as the members of parliament and then socialising with the wives, but now she was tired and she wanted to take her heels off and relax._

 _She was also aware that Joseph had been watching her constantly over the night- he WAS her bodyguard and that was what he was supposed to, she reminded herself sternly- and she had to admit that she was liking his extra attention on her… although she didn't know why._

 _She was getting old, she surmised, and she was lonely- the boys were now away at college and didn't see them as often as when they were at school- and in the absence of real affection from her husband, or even a confidante (Joseph was, he was a great sounding board… but, NO, she wasn't thinking about him), she was now thinking about Joseph…._

 _Speaking of, he hadn't come across at all during the evening to stand next to her, give a few words of encouragement (not that she hadn't been alone or not on the dance floor) and it felt a little strange, maybe he wasn't in the ballroom anymore, although he SHOULD be here, he was HER personal bodyguard…_

 _Scanning the room- narrowing her eyes slightly at the raucous crowd of men in the corner, getting louder and louder- Clarisse suddenly spotted Joseph in the corner… talking to one tall, elegant brunette, with very little jeweller but the dress seemed to cling to her every curve, making her seem… beautiful …_

 _He was ALLOWED to talk to other women, she reminded herself sternly, although while he was working wasn't necessarily appropriate but, glancing around, there were more than enough black suited men situated around the room, so he could relax. Joseph had every right to talk to other women, he was a bachelor and wasn't being unfaithful to anyone, she didn't own him, and Joseph was ONLY her bodyguard…_

 _However, the reasoning wasn't helping her feelings- she was suddenly feeling lonely and alone and sad- everyone else seemed to be having a marvellous time and she… she was just being a spoilsport…_

 _Clarisse looked back at Joseph, and she was suddenly aware of a tidal wave of feelings that were threatening to engulf her, starting with her cheeks beginning to redden with… what? Humiliation? Fear? Or was it… rage?_

 _Rage that Joseph, who was supposed to be working, was flirting with one of the guests and clearly enjoying it. Rage that he hadn't been anywhere near her all evening- even at a discreet distance behind her, just so that she knew his presence was there, that he was supporting her. Rage that the woman- who didn't look so attractive now, was clearly flirting, touching him on his shoulder, as if to test his muscles and chuckling inanely at whatever he was saying… just plain, unreasonable rage…_

 _WHY was she so angry, Clarisse wondered distantly as she realised that she was clenching her fists- quite unqueenly behaviour, she chided herself as she slowly relaxed her hands. She was fortunate that she was standing quietly in a corner, no one was bothering her and she was enjoying a moment of peace… and WHY hadn't Joseph noticed that she was alone? WHY hadn't he come over to check on her? WHY? WHY? WHY?_

 _Oh my…_

 _No…_

 _I can't be…_

 _Suddenly, a realisation swept over her and Clarisse wasn't just feeling angry anymore, she was feeling humiliated and ridiculous… why had Joseph invoked such passionate feelings her, she had never felt that way around Rupert, EVER. EVER._

 _She couldn't be…_

 _No, she couldn't be…_

 _She was JEALOUS. She was really, truly JEALOUS._

 _Why was she jealous?_

 _She had fallen in love with Joseph Bonnell… and it was a feeling that could never lead to anything more, a life that would be so different, to MARRIAGE…_

 _It was hopeless…_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N The Princess Diaries doesn't belong to me_

 _She was in love with Joseph… it was hopeless…_

Clarisse's last words seemed to reverberate around the room, deepening the silence and creating a feeling of awkwardness between them.

"Ah," Joseph said finally. "I see."

"You do?" Clarisse said in astonishment. "What do you see?"

"I can understand why you were standing alone on the other side of the room that night, looking around shiftily."

"Shiftily? _**Shiftily**_?" Clarisse looked startled. "How could I be looking like that… and how would you know? You were deep in conversation with that guest," she burst out before flushing, a tinge of jealousy in her words.

"Madam, I'm always watching you and watching those around you- it's my job, remember? In regards to the other woman, I was merely being polite- she clearly not thinking that I was a bodyguard- but I am ALWAYS aware of your movements, despite you thinking otherwise."

"I... I'm sorry," Clarisse stammered, ashamed of the memory and her behaviour with Clarisse- it was only a simple flirtation… "I didn't mean to suggest that…"

"I know."

"It's just that I was feeling…"

"Jealous? Lonely? Irrational?" there was now humour in his voice.

"All of the above," Clarisse said quietly, still looking down at her hands before she looked up to see the mischievous twinkle, a twinkle that she had always loved. "I have always had the greatest respect for you…"

"I appreciate your faith in me, my role and responsibilities," he said solemnly, moving closer to her before suddenly pulling her into his arms, Clarisse suddenly breathless. "How could I have eyes for any other woman than you?" he whispered into her ear, the whiskers of his goatee tickling her cheek, before their lips met for a passionate, almost devastating kiss.

It was Clarisse who finally pulled away- who knew what could happen if they actually gave in to their feelings, there was still so much at stake- but also with great reluctance.

"I'm not trying to convince you to marry me," Joseph finally said huskily, pulling away from her and smoothing down his shirt. "I just really wanted…"

"Wanted to what?"

""Kiss you- you have wonderfully kissable lips," he ran his thumb across her swollen bottom lip, feeling her tremble, with emotion or something else, he didn't know, before he pulled away.

"I… oh," Clarisse said softly, her mouth dropping open before her eyes slid back down to her lap and Joseph realised that he had pushed her as far as he would go.

"Anyway," Joseph continued, deciding to change the subject to diffuse the tension between them- as everything was so close to being resolved through the wedding and coronation, he was finding it more difficult to restrain himself around Clarisse. He had loved her for so long, it was just hard to consider that it was only a matter of time that they could have happiness of their own…..

"Anyway?" she encouraged, breaking into his thoughts.

"Anyway, you might not have thought it at the time, but I was watching you that night and I knew that there was something wrong…."

 _00000_

 _Joseph suspected that the well dressed woman flirting with him didn't know that he was a bodyguard to the Queen- or she didn't care._

 _He saw Scott, one of the younger men, grin from across the room and knew EXACTLY what he was thinking, it was so easy to read on his face: 'the boss is getting hit on again, he's obviously very attractive to the ladies, even though he claims that he's not interested in them…'_

 _A scowl in his direction, Joseph noticed with satisfaction, quickly erased the grin from the younger man's thoughts… let him wait…._

 _Now, as for Her Majesty, Clarisse…_

 _He suddenly noticed that she standing on the other side of the room, alone, and he wondered why as she was usually surrounded by either wives of members of parliament or members of parliament who wanted to try to flirt with her, but her being alone like that seemed… unnatural._

 _What was even more unnatural was the expression on her face- instead of seeming composed, calm and collected, her face was unusually flushed and the expressions that seemed to be flitting across her features seemed to be a mixture of anger, regret, sadness and something he never thought he would see… jealousy._

 _Suddenly, their eyes met and held for an instant and Joseph suddenly felt the intensity of her feelings burning into his eyes, making his cheeks warm up a little and making him more than a little uncomfortable, before Clarisse broke the look and spun on her heel, disappearing into the crowd._

 _Joseph was frozen in place, the voice of the guest talking to him fading away as he thought about the naked, raw emotion exposed on Clarisse's face and made a devastating realisation- she was jealous of him talking to other women, which meant that she cared about him a great deal, maybe even loved him._

 _The realisation thrilled him to the core- he had been in love with her as long as he could remember and had never dared to hope that she felt the same way about him- but the devastating part was that she WAS MARRIED and that there was no possibility at all that they would be together…._

 _Suddenly, he felt very, very much alone…_

 _00000_

"Oh Joseph," Clarisse's soft voice came close to his ear and Joseph looked around to see her sitting a little closer to him, resting a hand on her shoulder. "I had no idea."

"I never meant you to find out this way," he said gruffly.

"We were quite a pair that night, weren't we?" she said in a teasing tone. "I was desperately jealous of a stranger and you…"

"…Was convinced that we could never be together," Joseph replied, just as gruffly- he was uncomfortable about sharing his feelings with anyone, although he was finding it easier with Clarisse, which had helped strengthen their relationship, and he appreciated Clarisse trying to cheer him up a little.

"Well, neither of us were to know that there was going to be that possibility… not that I would ever have imagined, or wanted, Rupert dying," she added hastily. "He was a good man in his own way, and he was a good King."

"I hope he appreciated your loyalty," Joseph said lightly, although his opinion of Rupert was considerably different to Clarisse's.

"He did, in his way," she replied, well aware of his opinions and agreeing with much of it, before deciding to change the subject. "Anyway, there was a question that I wanted to ask you…."

"I know what it is."

"You do?"

"I do," he smiled at her- despite the intensity of their relationship, there were still times when they flirted with each other and Joseph had to admit that it was something that made Clarisse seem younger and more carefree than normal.

"What is it?"

"You," he tapped her gently on the nose. "Want to know when I experienced jealousy."

"Well, I'm sure you never did."

"Oh yes, my dear, I did- many, many times."


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: The Princess Diaries doesn't belong to me_

"I cannot imagine you, Joseph Bonnell, as being a jealous man," Clarisse said teasingly. "As I cannot imagine you having a bad temper…" although they both knew the latter was not true, with Clarisse having experienced being on the end of his temper.

"We both know the latter is not true," he joked, also remembering the times he had let loose with his temper on Clarisse, and his subsequent mortification and abject apologies after the moments had passed. "I'm surprised that you didn't insist on me being fired or being transferred to a different area."

"I'm surprised at that too," Clarisse admitted with surprise. "I wasn't used to having someone telling me what I could and could not do, speaking back to me and lecturing me, as if I was silly. However…. I also realised that it was oddly refreshing to have someone who seemed to care more about the person they were looking after, ensuring that they were safe for their own sake, rather than ensuring they were fulfilling all the duties of a bodyguard, ticking all the boxes."

"I didn't realise that."

"Before you came onto the staff, I had some bodyguards who were all about ticking all the boxes, making sure I was protected- but I was only a job to them, someone to take to and from all different occasions, staying in the background and that was it."

"I must have been a shock on all counts."  
"Believe me, you were," Clarisse laughed ruefully. "But I also began to recognise that I wanted someone different to protect me, although I never imagined that I would become friends… and more… with my bodyguard," she said teasingly, nudging him with her shoulder. "Rupert was good friends with most of his…"

"Probably not the wisest idea," Joseph said disapprovingly- some of Rupert's guards had been more than a little too familiar with Rupert, even gambling and drinking with him at times, which Joseph felt that could compromise his protection, although he never said anything. He was the Queen's personal bodyguard, not His Majesty's.

"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?"

"True enough, my dear," he reached over and took her hand, lifting it to his lips. "However, we have never gambled together or drank together… except the occasional nightcap," he allowed.

"However, you were so different, so unlike the other bodyguards I had had, that I was intrigued enough to... overlook… your antics and I am very glad that I did," she gave him a tender smile and he returned it.

"Overlook… my antics? Really?" he teased.

"Well… it's more tactful than shouting at the Queen, giving her orders…."

"Alright, alright!" he held his hands up in mock defeat. "I get it, I get! Anyway, we both know that I have a temper, so why should it be any different that I get jealous, like any other man?"

"Well, it's just hard to imagine."

"I DO get jealous, and sometimes it's very hard to control… particularly when I'm around… you."

There was a long, stunned silence, a silence that seemed to be sustained over and over until Clarisse finally said:

"Excuse me?

"You heard what I said," Joseph said, sitting back and giving her a smile.

"I did… but I… I don't believe it," Clarisse said softly, looking directly into his eyes.

"Why don't you believe it?"

"Why… why me?"

Joseph suddenly sat upright and took both her hands in his, staring into her eyes intently.

"You have no idea, do you? You have no idea how wonderful you are, do you? You're the most wonderful lady- beautiful, smart, elegant- and everyone knows that- except you."

"Not everyone thinks that," Clarisse said quietly, trying to look away before Joseph grasped her chin.

"You really don't everyone liking you, they are not worth it… but to me…"

He stopped, realising that he was scaring her, and he dropped her hands abruptly.

"It used to drive me crazy, watching you go into balls and other special occasions on Rupert's arm, glowing and radiant and seemingly happy to be there…"

"It was my job, my duty and you know that," Clarisse suddenly retorted, galvanised into arguing back.

Yes, he had frightened her with the intensity of his words and actions- she knew that he adored her, always saw the best in her and, with the arguments, was always encouraging her when she felt down- but she had no idea that he had been jealous those times…

"I know that, you don't need to argue the point with me," he said gently. "But, I always felt that you didn't deserve to be treated the way Rupert treated you… I was jealous that he had you and didn't appreciate you. It drove me crazy that he cheated on you, flirted with other women in your presence, often treated you as a child…you didn't deserve that."

"I know, I know- and I appreciated the way you tried to protect me from many of those things… even when it got you reprimanded, or almost fired, usually for the most irrational reasons," she said quietly, remembering the time Rupert stormed into her study and demanded that she let Joseph 'go'.

" _Why, for goodness sake?" she had asked._

" _He walked in on me and some of the boys having a game in the security room!" Rupert snapped, Clarisse realising that he had had another one of those nights with his security team, an inappropriate activity she felt, but she didn't want an argument with Rupert._

 _She also could see, looking at him, that he had too much to drink and, probably, had lost at his card games._

" _And?"  
_

 _"And what?"  
_

 _"And what did Joseph do?"  
_

 _"He just stood there for a moment, then bowed and excused himself."  
_

 _"That sounds perfectly reasonable- why, then, do you want me to let MY personal bodyguard, 'go'?"_

" _Well… he was looking disapproving- and I know that he disapproves of the card games, he thinks that they are 'inappropriate'!" Rupert raged, but Clarisse could see realisation beginning to dawn on his face._

" _It's no crime to disapprove of others doings, is it?" she responded tartly. "It's also not a crime to just look and then leave the room. I will NOT force Joseph to resign just because you didn't have your card game in your study, as you usually do. Good night, Rupert," she said quietly. Rupert stared at her for a moment before growling 'Huh!' and storming out of the room._

"It was very fortunate that you didn't say anything at the time, otherwise there would have been consequences… although I would still not have let you go."

"I know that," before he reached out and squeezed her hand. "I was always jealous of Rupert, because he had you, but it was also the members of parliament that really, really irritated me…"

"Ah, yes," Clarisse said with a small smile- the number of times she had seen fleeting glances of rage pass over Joseph's face were uncountable, it was amusing that her own personal bodyguard could be jealous of men that she didn't even enjoy dancing with, it flattered her as well but it had also worried her- could her bodyguard really be developing feelings for her?

"It certainly made me feel better when you were near, especially when there were drunk men trying to… what is the expression Mia uses… 'hit on' me."

"Most of them are lousy, disgusting rats that should have had their hands cut off if they tried to touch you inappropriately," Joseph scowled darkly and Clarisse couldn't help but laugh.

"If we were to put that punishment into action, we would have no parliamentarians left… or very few!"

"Still… some of them deserve it. I honestly don't know how you managed to fend for yourself while out on the dance floor with them."

"With many years of experience and practice," she said with a laugh. "There was one time, however, that I wished you could have hit someone… you don't remember Viscount Aubrey, do you?"

"Indeed I do," Joseph scowled again. "He had no right to put his hands on your shoulders, and then down your arms….." he shuddered again the memory… "As I recall, he was trying to kiss your cheek…"

"Yes, the man was all hands, he had a reputation for doing that to every woman he danced with, but with me…"

"He was enamoured with your title as well as your looks."

"Not the first or last time."

"You shouldn't have had to put up with it… and don't say again 'it was part of your job', because that was NOT part of your job!"

"Feeling protective again, are we?"

"Always."

"Anyway, I got used to it…Rupert told me not to worry about it, it was just 'men'… which, as I can see, disgusts you… but I never really understood WHY they did it. Was it because of me? My looks? Or did they just want to get close to the power of the throne?"

"Probably all of the above… not that I ever thought that way about you," he added hastily and she smiled as she reached over and caressed his cheek gently.

"I know that."

"So, while I don't have any specific memories of jealousy, you now know that I have always been jealous with other men around you… I hate it, I know it wasn't part of my role to be jealous- in fact, you really should have let me go when it became too obvious… but I guess that's the other side of the coin."

"What other side of the coin?"

"With great passion, comes jealousy… and I know that we have great passion," he looked at her meaningfully, both of them recalling the growing intensity of their kisses, the way they were feeling about each other. "The question I put to you is: is it worth it? Passion and jealousy are part of us… is it worth it?"

"Yes," Clarisse burst out just as he had finished his sentence. "It is worth it, even when it causes you pain. I… I have never felt like this before… I was afraid of ever feeling like this, I still am in a lot of ways… but now that I know how to feel, I do NOT want to go back to what I was feeling before. You," she reached out and leant her hand against his cheek. "YOU are the one that made me feel like this… and that's why… I love you," she whispered the last few words before she leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips. "Is it worth it to you as well?"

"Indeed it is, indeed it is," he murmured, pulling her closer in to keep the kiss going.

"So," Clarisse said with a sigh when they finally pulled away. "What are we going to do about Mia and Nicholas? That fountain scene should never happen again."

"Indeed it shouldn't, I'll make sure that we keep a closer eye on Nicholas… and his uncle, who seems to making himself at home at the palace… but there's only one other thing I would advise."

"Oh?"

"This also applies to our situation as well… we'll just have to wait, watch and see."

"Wait, watch and see… that sounds so difficult."

"It will be… but we will all get through it. I promise."


End file.
